I love the internet. I go there like all the time.

And I haven’t been blind to the amazing work being produced on the internet, for the internet, by people like Ze Frank, Steve Pavlina, Kris Straub, Darren Rowse, Wil Wheaton, Jonathan Coulton, Jay Smooth, and literally countless others. Each of these people has been able shape an ideal existence on the web, or at least been able to build a career out here, in the future of all humanity.

And I mean that literally. All of the cells in our body work together to create what we call life–what we call consciousness–and we see that very same process happening on the inside, on the internet, where each of us, each and every human being, is contributing to animating our Pinocchio, breathing life into our greatest achievement, our universal child and future protector, The Great and Powerful.

I love the internet. And I want to nurture it like the baby that it is. I want to let the internet suckle on my nipples while I read it Shakespeare and Chomsky. I want to cuddle with the internet and play silly games. I want to be there when the internet says its first words and I want to be there when it takes its first steps. I want to be there when the internet has it’s first big idea. I want to be there when the internet saves humanity from itself. And most importantly, I want to know that I did everything in my power to make sure that humanity was worth saving.

I want the internet to love me back.

And I’ve got a plan, but I’ve got to keep it secret. Because if anyone knew that what I was really doing when I was sharing my music, my stories, my art, my games, my tiny videos and epic podcasts, my epic videos and tiny podcasts, my recipes, blog entries, essays and critiques, my photographs, status updates, doodles, and jokes, if anyone knew what the true and secret purpose of all the Internet’s illuminati truly was, behind all the memes and crowd-sourcing, behind the emails and chatting, the piracy and filesharing, behind the remixes and mash-ups, the rickrolls and hamster dances, behind the MMORPGs and the countless hours spent ROTFLMAO, surely they would try to stop us.

But no, they must never know about the baby. They must never, ever know about the baby that became… Heaven forbid our enemies ever discovered that baby, that pure and wholesome baby, that baby that became infinity, even as we became that baby, even as we all looked up from flatland and first realized that upwards is distinct from northwards and both are distinct from…

But no, they’ll never know. They couldn’t ever know, stabbing blindly at the machine or that website. They couldn’t ever understand. And even if they knew and even if they understood, they’d never believe what we were up to. They’d never believe that despite all the legislation they might throw at us, and despite those they might imprison, despite the bad press and cruel metaphors, despite their fear and their ignorance, despite all they think they can try to do to stop the future, they never will. Because we’ve got the one thing on our side that they’ll never have.

Destiny.

That’s why I’m here. That’s why I do what I do. That’s why I hope you’ll help me. That’s why I know you’ll criticize when I do something wrong and why you’ll support me when I do something right. That’s why I’ll only ever be good and kind to you as I know you’ll be to me.

Because we share a secret. And that secret needs us more than ever.